i passed soc!!! ahahaha finally~ super psychological sia. fastest timing was 10.47, then my last timing was 12.20. so i was thinking like how am i ever gonna pass? such an immense psychological barrier. but then with the knowledge that people of similar fitness standards (e.g. yoman/afiq) have passed, coupled with the so much moral encouragement and anil's pacing... i broke that barrier. and amazed myself with a timing of 9.11~ altho after the run i knew immediately i exerted too much le. instantly got a headache and waaa the fatigue level was just. different. but i'm glad i did it la anyway.
wonder what i did to deserve these angels in my life... like the way jiahui helped me get thru all my route marches in bmt. i've hardly even started opening up to them. lolz but maybe thats why. they haven't even begun to crest the peak yet so how can they reach the dip? but seriously...so much moral impetus. they gave me a weapon against my disillusionment: hope. and it was all the more cos i didn't wanna disappoint them that i tried even harder... after all, i always had more motivation when there were other people at stake, than when i was doing things for myself. how warped... my sense of duty > my passion. ok la cannot generalize. make myself sound so altruistic but it doesn't happen all the time. besides, i don't perceive it as a good thing. it's a hindrance in fact... to excellence.
went to watch dark knight with xb ytd. utterly fantastic. wa but the joker is... the consummate nihilistic villain. there is so much room for talent to be displayed in a character like the joker. darkness, depth, ingenuity, insanity, anarchy... the man behind the idea outdid himself in crafting the joker. and both heath ledger and jack nicholsson played the role spectacularly each time. skill of both artist and artiste interlaced so perfectly to create such a wonderful artpiece.
what makes a person unwilling to open up to another? someone commented about me once years ago that i was difficult to get to know if i didn't choose to allow that someone into my inner circle. i wonder how i blocked ppl off. did i not answer probing questions? did i give monosyllabic replies? did i just decide not to share certain parts of my life? actually i'm really quite puzzled. in what ways am i opening less than other ppl are?
today... zwing just commented also. that there's a line to my personality that certain ppl just don't/can't cross. i know that there ARE people that i consciously block off from my inner circle. but not these ppl ma. so i think: is it my fault that they don't know me? i attempt sometimes to go beyond the trivial with ppl who don't know me that well... and sometimes i get brushed off. for being too serious, being too idealistic, being too cheem, being too heavy. but then issues like these aren't just for blogs or pep talks... why are they so taboo? so reserved for only the 'sensitive-new-age-ppl'... the emokids. bah i detest the phrase 'emokid'. superficial, debilitating and insulting. why should the capacity to feel be any indication of weakness? sour grapes from the shallow cowards that attempt in vain to maintain their facade of stoicalness. ok la cannot be so caustic. naivety doesn't deserve such harsh judgment.
lolz on another note the tables were turned on me recently. i experienced the frustration of not being able to get inside another's inner circle. except perhaps the difference is that i've lost the drive to care. back in school, i would have pursued it but army sucked that motivation for some reason that i haven't figured out yet. sad really.
Name: Foo Guo Zhong Melvyn
Age: 19+
Affiliations: MSHS (Pri), Rosyth, RI, RJC, SFX (LoG)
Bday: 14th Nov
Email: mel_protoss@hotmail.com
i passed soc!!! ahahaha finally~ super psychological sia. fastest timing was 10.47, then my last timing was 12.20. so i was thinking like how am i ever gonna pass? such an immense psychological barrier. but then with the knowledge that people of similar fitness standards (e.g. yoman/afiq) have passed, coupled with the so much moral encouragement and anil's pacing... i broke that barrier. and amazed myself with a timing of 9.11~ altho after the run i knew immediately i exerted too much le. instantly got a headache and waaa the fatigue level was just. different. but i'm glad i did it la anyway.
wonder what i did to deserve these angels in my life... like the way jiahui helped me get thru all my route marches in bmt. i've hardly even started opening up to them. lolz but maybe thats why. they haven't even begun to crest the peak yet so how can they reach the dip? but seriously...so much moral impetus. they gave me a weapon against my disillusionment: hope. and it was all the more cos i didn't wanna disappoint them that i tried even harder... after all, i always had more motivation when there were other people at stake, than when i was doing things for myself. how warped... my sense of duty > my passion. ok la cannot generalize. make myself sound so altruistic but it doesn't happen all the time. besides, i don't perceive it as a good thing. it's a hindrance in fact... to excellence.
went to watch dark knight with xb ytd. utterly fantastic. wa but the joker is... the consummate nihilistic villain. there is so much room for talent to be displayed in a character like the joker. darkness, depth, ingenuity, insanity, anarchy... the man behind the idea outdid himself in crafting the joker. and both heath ledger and jack nicholsson played the role spectacularly each time. skill of both artist and artiste interlaced so perfectly to create such a wonderful artpiece.
what makes a person unwilling to open up to another? someone commented about me once years ago that i was difficult to get to know if i didn't choose to allow that someone into my inner circle. i wonder how i blocked ppl off. did i not answer probing questions? did i give monosyllabic replies? did i just decide not to share certain parts of my life? actually i'm really quite puzzled. in what ways am i opening less than other ppl are?
today... zwing just commented also. that there's a line to my personality that certain ppl just don't/can't cross. i know that there ARE people that i consciously block off from my inner circle. but not these ppl ma. so i think: is it my fault that they don't know me? i attempt sometimes to go beyond the trivial with ppl who don't know me that well... and sometimes i get brushed off. for being too serious, being too idealistic, being too cheem, being too heavy. but then issues like these aren't just for blogs or pep talks... why are they so taboo? so reserved for only the 'sensitive-new-age-ppl'... the emokids. bah i detest the phrase 'emokid'. superficial, debilitating and insulting. why should the capacity to feel be any indication of weakness? sour grapes from the shallow cowards that attempt in vain to maintain their facade of stoicalness. ok la cannot be so caustic. naivety doesn't deserve such harsh judgment.
lolz on another note the tables were turned on me recently. i experienced the frustration of not being able to get inside another's inner circle. except perhaps the difference is that i've lost the drive to care. back in school, i would have pursued it but army sucked that motivation for some reason that i haven't figured out yet. sad really.